


for the love of a monster

by alienstoner



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Dark, Human/Monster Romance, M/M, Mates, come on yall its pennywise, wtf do you expect
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:01:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22192204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alienstoner/pseuds/alienstoner
Summary: 1k (ish) of a Bill/Pennywise ideamarked as underage, but Bill is 17 to start with
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Pennywise
Comments: 20
Kudos: 192





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sucked into this ship tbh, and I need more of it in my life.  
> And It, but whatever.  
> For anyone that followed Unconditional Insanity: I gave up :)) that work has been deleted (and my username changed) and will no longer be edited/updated. thank you for all the love on it!  
> I'm sick and rambling so just enjoy (or don't idec) y'all.  
> Any comments/constructive criticism are always greatly appreciated.  
> Feel free to talk to me about these fuckers cause I'm in love

It was the summer when Bill turned 17 when everything came roaring back into place. The six years in between had been good to the Losers, though they now had the memories to fill in the hazy gap.

_Ignorance is bliss_ Bill thinks to himself. He’s angry at himself- for letting the memory of Georgie fade to the back of his mind. As if his little brother didn’t matter. As if a part of him hadn’t died right along with the boy.

He comes back to the moment, to the six almost adults gathered around him. The few years that passed changed them all; similarities to their younger selves were all that were left.  He thinks of the boy, the  _dead child_ , that has brought them all here and a chill fills him.

“This is _fucking insane_. I thought you killed the clown six years ago!” Richie’s voice had deepened, but remained no less nerve grating. It wasn’t the first time the others had heard him say some variation of the same, and they unfortunately expected it wouldn’t be the last.

“I-I’ve sa-said it b-b-before, R-rich-chie. S-so did I,” Bill replied no less confused than Richie, and growing more irritated with the other teen.

“Ok, let’s forget that,” Beverly cuts in- and everyone quiets to listen to her. “Has anyone _seen_ It?” 

The boys look to each other, some thinking for a moment before shaking their head.

“No,” Mike answers for all of them.

“Neither have I,” Beverly continues, “Don’t you think that’s...weird?”

Bill supposes that it is. Last time around they could barely go a day without It going after at least one of them. And it’d already been a week without any sign of the clown  other than a little boy missing. 

“Do you think it’s waiting?” Stanley voices, and Bill notices the way he’s shaking.

“C-could be, b-but w-why?” Why wait now that It was awake? Seeing as Bill had only managed to injure it, they’d all be scrambling once again for a way to kill It. Now was the perfect time for It to attack- so why hadn’t It?

“Maybe It’s still week,” Ben’s answer is an obvious one, and also the easiest to stomach. It would mean they’d have more time to come up with a plan. Whether they had enough of it to be successful was the real concern.

“Maybe,” Bill says, choosing to neither agree nor disagree. Something in him told the teen that wasn’t it. The feeling of being watched only cemented it. He kept his face straight, though the hair on his neck and arms stood up. Despite being panicked, he felt no genuine fear, and didn’t want to alarm his friends with the reaction.

“Guys, it’s getting dark. Maybe we should just go home for now,” Eddie sounded nervous, for good reason. Though Bill wasn’t sure if he was more afraid of the clown or his own mother.

“S-sounds like a p-plan,” Bill says, standing up from the milk crate that acted as a chair. The rest were a bit slower in joining him, aside from Eddie and Stanley. One by one, they climbed up out the hideout, helping one another.

“What if It shows up and we’re alone,” Stanley asks, fear in his voice. Bill takes a moment to put a hand on his shoulder, steadying him.

“F-find o-one of us,” he answers,” a-and reme-member, I-it c-can’t hu-hurt you if yuh-you don’t l-let It.”

He’s not sure how much his words actually help, but the other teen tries for a smile regardless.

They each mount their bikes, waiting for someone to speak.

“W-we’ll meet b-back here t-tomorrow,” Bill says, because what is he if not a leader? “T-tomorrow o-or so-sooner if w-we need t-to,” he stresses, waiting for everyone to show their acknowledgment. Once he has it, he turns Silver in the direction of home. 

If he could call it that. He sends a thought of safety to his friends and begins the ride back.

______

He’s halfway home, sky steadily getting darker, when he notices it.

And, well,  _It_ .

The sudden sense of danger puts him on high alert, latent instincts once again activated from what his body knows is a predator. He doesn’t stop pedaling. Glancing around slowly, his heart sinks into his stomach. In the treeline of a house in front of him, Bill sees a shock of wild copper and the orange glow of eyes. Then there’s just It- smiling maniacally at him with needle teeth on full show. 

When It notices him looking back, It waves one long arm in a slow wave. Those eyes follow him as he passes, smile stretched across It’s face the entire time.

Bill pedals faster,  pulling away from the ‘clown’. He glances back when he makes it down the street, but the clown is gone. A quick sweep around him confirms It really is and isn’t just playing a twisted trick.

Shaken from adrenaline, Bill continues his ride home, nervously glancing around. Parking his bike in the usual spot when he gets home, Bill climbs right up the stairs to his room when he’s inside. Neither of his parents try to stop him- barely seem to notice he’s returned. 

After he changes and climbs into bed, he takes a moment to think. Why had It come to Bill first? 

Out of all the Losers, he’d been the least scared the last time around, so why choose him?

No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn’t come up with a sound reason. 

Finally sleep came, thoughts of the clown still filling his head as he slipped further into its embrace.

He dreams of many strange things that night. Most of them in some way or another feature It. Nothing makes sense, but he feels no fear. 

In fact...he feels almost  _safe_ .

He remembers none of them when he awakes.

____

It returned to Neibolt house in giddy spirits. Spying on his Billy at first had only enraged It. Seeing the boy (for despite how old the child might like to think himself, he would always be a speck next to the eons It had) surrounded by his friends always managed to irritate It. That they spoke of ways to try and harm Pennywise was what truly made It livid.

They thought It weakened from them. Some  _humans_ that were nothing but cattle to It. The very idea was humorous. 

_Soon they will see._

It did not hide from children and felt no fear for what they might come up with. Instead It remembered the heady mix of _their_ fear, mingled together in the hole they called a hideout.

It felt excitement when the though of Billy returned. It would have a feast _and_ a mate.

Billy wasn’t quite ready yet, still attached to his human friends. But the time was soon approaching, and with it a deal It knew his Billy would not refuse.

Smiling wide, eyes blank with insanity, Pennywise lowered Itself down the well and into Its home.


	2. Chapter 2

When Bill wakes the next morning, the sun is beginning to bake his room. The sweat that clings to his skin makes him shiver and yearn for a shower. He stretches and slides out of bed, grabbing clothes on the way to his bathroom. While Bill is in the shower, he attempts to shake the feeling he’s forgotten something important. What could be more important than a fucking killer clown?

Once Bill has showered and clothed himself, he heads down stairs. He’d noticed how quiet the house was, but the money and note left on the counter is what lets him know. His parents both left early and neither would be back until later in the evening. I guess it’s easier to avoid your kid when you don’t actually have to talk to them.

Before Bill gets too caught up in his thoughts, the phone rings, and he’s thankful for the distraction.

“H-hello?” he answers after the second ring.

“Fucking _finally_. I’ve tried calling you like a gazillion times!” Richie’s voice greets him.

“D-don’t be s-so dr-dramatic, R-r-richie.”

“Whatever,” Bill can clearly picture Richie rolling his eyes, “Are you ready fucknut?”

Bill’s sense of urgency returns, and he feels too exposed in the empty house. He’d wanted to eat something before leaving, but his hunger is gone.

“Y-yeah, leaving n-now,” he replies, jamming his feet in his shoes. “B-be there i-in f-fifteen.” 

He hangs up without waiting for a response, locking up on his way out. With his parents gone, he has no one to tell where he’ll be. They likely wouldn’t care either way.

OOOOO

_Pennywise watches, hidden in the shadows, as Billy leaves the house. It kept an eye on him, all through the night. Watched as It’s Billy tossed and turned in his sleep, dreaming dreams It had left with him. It had been there to hear him on the phone, and knew when Billy began to sense It. How It longed to show Itself, finally have It’s moment with the human. While It grew impatient, It knew the wait was over soon. It would sleep again, but before that, It would have Billy._

OOOOO

When Bill stops his bike at the hideout, six are already there. The sound of arguing is already clear from where he’s standing. He calls down into the entrance, not wanting to startle his friends, and the arguing stops. 

_Probably Richie and Eddie._

“I-I’m c-coming down, g-guys,” he gives the others time to move out the way, and climbs down. 

“Hey Bill,” Mike greets him when he reaches the bottom. His large hand claps Bill on the back once and then is gone.

“H-hey,” he greets back, smiling lightly at his friend. He looks around at the others and sees they’ve all found things to do while waiting on him. One look at Richie and Eddie near the hammock let’s him know he’s right about the arguing. 

“I know,” Mike says, drawing back Bill’s attention, “It’s been years but everything still looks the same.” While his thoughts weren’t quite where his friend assumed, Bill agrees.

“You know, didn’t comment on it yesterday ‘cause I was fucking terrified, but this place is a wreck.”

Leave it to Richie to ruin the moment.

“We haven’t been here in a long time,” Bev speaks up, “It’s been, what, three years?”

“Well three years is plenty of time for this place to look like a shithole,” Richie retorts, cue eye roll.

While he’s missed his friends, Bill thinks it’s time to get down to why they came here. He finds an empty, sturdy (ish) bucket and sits down. When he looks back up, ready to speak, he startles to see they’re all looking at him. Even Richie and Eddie have stopped their bickering and are sitting next to each other in the hammock.

“S-so,” his voice comes out weaker than he’d expected, and he clears his throat, begins again.

“S-so, h-has a-anyone seen I-i-i-it?” He holds back for a moment, though isn’t sure why. _He’d_ seen it, however fleeting the encounter. Something in him tells him to wait, and he listens.

“No,” Stan speaks up, and Bill is both surprised and relieved at his answer. Stan is the easiest target among them, and Bill is grateful It so far hasn’t gone after him.

“None of us have,” Ben says, and it surprises Bill for a different reason. “We talked about it, before you got here.”

“Have you?” Bev asks, and Bill knows he could answer honestly. Knows that he could tell them the truth and every person there would be behind him. No matter how scared they were themselves, they’d always have his back. He hesitates for a moment, but it isn’t hard to decide what to tell them.

“N-no,” he replies, but can’t bring himself to meet her eyes. He’s worried she’ll be able to tell he’s lying if he does. There must be a reason It only showed itself to Bill, though. Until he figures out why, he refuses to bring the people he cares about into it.

After he answers, it’s as if a collective breath being held is released. He allows himself a moment of sick guilt, then straightens his shoulders. 

“H-how a-about we g-go for a-a sw-swim?” he asks, knowing his friends would all agree, despite Eddie’s usual complaints. Sure enough, they’re already moving toward the exit. As far as distractions go, it’s a win. 

When he walks past Mike, getting ready to climb out himself, he notices the way Mike looks at him. Maybe he’d seen Bill hesitate? Bill is a bit worried, but in the end only smiles. The moment breaks when he turns to climb. He hopes that Mike keeps whatever suspicions he might have to himself.

OOOOO

When Bill gets home late that afternoon, the house is empty. He’d expected nothing less, but the quiet of the house is a shock after the warm vibe he’s had all day. Despite feeling weighed down with guilt to start with, he’d enjoyed the time spent with his friends. Now, he flicks on several lights and turns the radio on in an attempt to chase the feeling.

He’s hungry, started to regret skipping out on breakfast two hours before. A familiar tune comes on the radio, and he dances and sings along a bit while he makes a couple sandwiches. He’s halfway through his second one when the lights cut off, radio going silent. The late afternoon sun is no longer enough light to see with, and his eyes take a moment to adjust to the dimness. 

He half ponders checking the breaker, but gets a familiar feeling that makes his hair stand on end. He knows nothing tripped the breaker, and he now has a much unwanted visitor. Though he’d been expecting something, the childish giggle still startles him. Out the corner of his eye, he sees a flash of yellow glide past the kitchen doorway.

_Why is it always Georgie?_

Yet, he knows exactly why. He knows that it’s fruitless, but he will always chase after Georgie. For what he did, he’ll always try to save his baby brother. No matter how in vain.

There’s nothing in the living room when he gets there, but the sound of feet above his head leads him to the stairs. He hesitates there, remembers that this is exactly what It wants. Slowly, he climbs the stairs one at a time. Checking Georgie’s room first reveals that it’s empty. He makes his way over to his room, the door closed even though he knows he left it open. Turning the handle, Bill opens the door.

He’s standing in a corner, farthest away from Bill. The yellow slicker is filthy, a testament to the time the boy’s been gone. Bill holds back a gag when he realizes most of Georgie’s left arm is gone. All that’s left is a mangled, dripping mess. He pauses when he notices that Georgie is crying.

“G-Georgie? Wh-what’s wr-wr-wrong?” he inches closer to the boy, not wanting the other to run again.

“Save me, Billy,” Georgie cries, and the sound of his voice tears Bill’s heart in half.

“H-how, G-Georgie? H-how d-do I s-save you?” 

He gets no answer, and before he realizes it, Georgie is around and past him. Straight out the door. Bill turns to follow him, is now crying himself, but the door slams hard in his face. 

The sun had continued to set, and when Bill turns around, the room is on its way to complete darkness. He can just see the outline of something tall- _huge_ \- making its way toward him. He’s aware that he should be scared, there’s only one thing it could be after all. Right now, he’s only angry.

“Hiya, Billy!” the shrill voice of Pennywise greets him, and the room lightens enough for his human eyes to see. At least It’s considerate? Billy wonders why It wants him to see It, instead of terrorizing him in the dark. It would be easier, he thinks, wouldn’t it?

“W-what d-do y-you want?” 

He’s deep in his anger. Mad about everything this creature has ever done to him, his friends- _his family_. He grits his teeth when It only smiles at him, amused that he’s mad. It moves closer to him, but Bill stands his ground. When It brings It’s hands closer to his face, he flinches, sure that he’s about to lose an eye. Or his life. He’s more than a little confused when, instead of mauling or killing him, It grasps his face gently. He almost wished It had killed him, the tenderness of the touch overwhelming. 

“Oh, it’s not about what Pennywise wants, Silly Billy,” here Bill swears It caresses his face, and he’s starting to freak out. “It’s what _you_ want.”

“Wh-what do you me-mean?” Pennywise looks at him, and It smiles the widest smile Bill’s seen on It yet. He must be seeing things, but it almost looks genuine to him. 

“Don’t you want Georgie back, Billy boy?” It stares him in the eye, and doesn’t blink once. Bill is drawn into the gaze, caught up in the way Its eyes glow. _It’s almost...beautiful_. That word snaps him out of the daze. He’s horrified with himself for thinking something like that for a creature that can and has killed. Many, many times over.

“B-but G-Georgie’s d-d-dead,” just saying the words makes Bill feel like his chest will cave in. “Y-y- _you_ ki-killed h-him!” 

Pennywise takes a step back from him when he yells, but doesn’t release him. There is still a thin, long-fingered hand cupping his chin in a loose grip. The grip tightens for a second, and Bill thinks It’s going to choke him, but It loosens Its hand once again. Leaning back in, Pennywise brings It’s face close to his. 

“What if We said We can bring him back?” Bill doesn’t understand why It’s calling itself ‘we’, but glosses over that when he registers what It was saying. 

“B-bring him b-back…,” Bills voice sounds broken even to himself, and he tells himself that this is a trick. There’s no way It could bring his brother back from the dead. A part of him holds out hope, though. If It’s capable of all the other things he’s seen, why not this? He feels sick, but he asks anyway.

“How?”

It laughs at his question, the sound high pitched and far from any laugh he’s heard before. 

“That’s a secret, Little One, one too complicated for you to understand." Bill feels miffed, finds himself wanting to know all the secrets this being holds. He’s not sure why he cares, only that he’s curious. His doubt that It can do it is gone, though, somehow he knows that It’s not spouting nonsense. He’s intrigued, and It can tell. It grins, like It can read his mind. Can tell that he’s close to giving in. 

“We’ll give you Georgie, and We’ll even promise not to hurt your friends.” 

The words sound too good to Billy, he wonders why It would give him all this to begin with. A thrill shoots through his body when he realizes that it’s not going to be for free.

“W-what’s the catch?” he asks, wondering if he can accept whatever the creature throws at him. What would and wouldn’t he do to have his brother back? To ensure that his friends are safe from this monster?

“Why, Billy boy,” It leans in, lips close to his, and Bill thinks that It’ll kiss him. He tries not to think about the mix of dread and anticipation he feels. 

“You’ll come float with Us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long to update this, honestly I suck at trying to write with any consistency.  
> Most of this month has revolved around first me being sick, and then losing someone very important to me.  
> So, I decided to write.  
> I'm not exactly happy with this chapter, but I don't hate it either. Plus I blew by my word count goal by 1k+ so that's always nice.  
> Anyway, thank y'all for taking the time to read, and feel free to let me know your thoughts.  
> Or, ya know, if there's any mistakes, cause I'm suuure there are.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so damn long! I think everyone can agree that this year has been an absolute rollercoaster.  
> This chapter is shorter than the first two, and I feel like it was a little too rushed.  
> I needed to get the thoughts out, though, before I just gave up on this work.  
> All that aside, thank y'all for the feedback!  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Bill doesn’t sleep that night. He’s still awake when his mother gets home from work, some time after nine. She doesn’t come to check on him, like she used to before Georgie. He’s stopped expecting it. His eyes are still staring up at his bedroom ceiling when his father finally crawls home, hours later. A twisted repeat of the clown’s words plays over and over in his head, until they begin to blur together.

_“You’ll come float with Us.”_

What had the clown meant by that? Why had It referred to itself as ‘Us’? He runs over it again and again, but can’t seem to make sense of it. He tells himself he doesn’t understand why It singled him out. Why It chose him, over the other Losers. Only, he does. That part makes sense, at least. He’s their leader, had lead every attack against the clown. He doesn’t believe that’s the only thing, though. Something about him made It single him out.

It makes sense and doesn’t at the same time. A headache starts to form between his eyes, his mind trying to think it through. His body feels drained, eyes are burning, but still his brain goes on. The sun is beginning to light his room when he decides enough is enough. If he can’t sleep, he’ll go out. He waits for the sound of his father snoring before he climbs out of bed. Their lack of care doesn’t mean the man won’t be angry if he’s woken up.

As quietly as he can manage, Bill gets dressed, carrying his shoes down with him to lessen any sounds. He pulls the door closed, and locks up behind himself, putting his shoes on once he’s done. He jumps on Silver, and then he’s gone. Bill’s not sure where he’s headed, but rules out both the quarry and the hideout as he rides. There’s a chance that one of his friends has also had a sleepless night, and he doesn’t want to run into any of them. He takes random turns, going down roads that seem different in the light gray of dawn. Though they might not have been random after all, with where he ends up.

His heartbeat quickens at first, when he realizes where he’s lead himself. It figures, that he’d end up here, of all places. The familiar, decrepit outline of Neibolt house looms before him. Bill stops his bike as he reaches the gate. He takes a moment, wars with himself inside his head. He’s shaking with nerves, but not fear when he walks up to the door. Never fear. With a deep, steadying breath, he opens the door.

He expects some fanfare when he walks into the house. Some creepy noise, or the sound of Georgie, as much as he hates it. _Something_ to let him know where It was, because there was no doubt in Bill’s mind that the clown was also here. There’s only dark and quiet. The floor creaks as he makes his way further inside, pushing the door closed behind him. He leaves a small crack, some half-brained idea that the dim light from outside would help him.

His steps are soft, and he’s halfway through the house when the hairs on his body stand on end. Someone is watching him. It is watching him. He’s no longer anxious, or mad. The anger from last night seems years away. Now, he’s only tired.

“ _Billy_ ”, It says from behind him. He doesn’t startle, and wonders if that says something about him. It’s so close he can smell a combination of popcorn and rotting meat, yet he feels nothing. If he’s honest with himself, he’s ready for this to finally be over. He takes a deep breath, and turns to confront the clown. He gets only a glimpse of the gory clown suit before he’s being pulled to It. He’s ready for this, willing to be eaten to save his friends. To bring Georgie back. They’ll be safe, and won’t even have the painful memory of losing him. He’s going to die for them, but a part of him is glad the fighting is over.

He leans his head back, neck exposed so he’s easier prey. What he doesn’t expect is the wet, slimy sensation that greets his mouth. His eyes fly open, widening in shock. _It was kissing him._ It’s snake like tongue nudged against Bill’s mouth, and he flails for a moment. His eyes close back, slowly this time, and he gives in.


End file.
